Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Sadness and Gratitude

My life is so good. I am so blessed and lucky. I smirk as I think that maybe it is partly because of being born Sagittarius and under the Lucky Planet Jupiter..... Maybe.

I'm in Oslo, Norway right is one of my favourite places on the planet so far. I don't know what it is about Oslo and Norway that can bring me into peace and gratitude. My ancestors are mostly from Ireland and probably I have some Norwegian DNA via the Vikings and their adventures..... it doesn't really matter. I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to be here what ever the reason I feel what I feel here.

I've begun to consciously feel deep gratitude for many of the people that are and have been in my life. I like that feeling.

Soon I get to go back to Croatia for awhile which I have also been blessed to get to begin to know and enjoy and love. The people in both countries are quite different in many ways but both peoples are deeply genuine and loving.

No matter where i seem to go i have been given the gift of seeing and experiencing the deep humanness we all share. It doesn't matter if it is Norway or Canada, the United States or Thailand, Croatia or Denmark... people are people with mostly the very same desires and issues. They love their families and each other. They have heartache and passion and joy. They get angry at many of the same things. We all feel alone and hurt at times and we all feel loved and taken care of at times. We all have basically the same desire for a closeness with God at our core, whether we are aware of it or not and despite the country, religion or race we come from.

I have had an opportunity to have long conversations with someone who has had an opportunity to spend one on one personal time with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar... one of the worlds most revered Spiritual leaders who founded the Art of Living Foundation. She says that one way to talk about his burning vision is to see the world as one family. That when we are asked what or who we are our first answer should be "I am a Spiritual Being." and then the second answer to that should be "I am a Human Being." After that everything else is really more or less unimportant. These identifications are foundational to everything else... these as our foundations can be what unites us beyond the petty irrational fighting and conflict, both inner and outer, that we often experience in our lives.

So what does sadness have to do with all this?

I am in the middle of some acupuncture treatments with a very very good accupuncturist here in Oslo (Camilla Thoresen mobile phone 47 906 41 500 i highly recommend her.)

part of what came up from her intuitively without any verbal information from me was some unexpressed grief and sadness regarding my mother. BANG she hit the nail right on the head. When my mother died nearly 20 years ago I barely grieved.... it was very confusing to me. Even though I didn't have a super close relationship with my Mother I knew I loved her and I maybe cried for 10 minutes when I heard she died. And that was it... I was finished..... I didn't get it but i couldn't work up any more emotion than that. Am I heartless or some kind of sociopath? I thought to myself...

I still don't know what this is about or have cleared this issue yet or even know the deeper reasons why I reacted to this major loss in my life the way I did.... I will continue to explore and change this as I live my life moment to moment... I think it is key for me to deal with this to really move on in my life....

I have been floating about and literally around the world for the last 3 years.... literally without a home address. I have loved it and had the most amazing personal experiences during this time in my life.... Is it time to "settle down" a bit whatever that really means.... maybe, maybe not....

Time and time again people have seen a deeper sadness in me that never seems to go away no matter how happy I seem to be or how much fun I have. I never really understood this... I sort of believed them but, no I didn't get it. I assume at least part of that will be dealt with in the next chunk of time.

Robert Bly, poet and a major leader in the men's mytho-poetic movement of the 80's and 90's talked about men needing to go down into their grief before becoming fully emotional in a fully masculine way. Some of the old myths and ancient stories passed down over the millenia verbally say this is part of our path as men. Maybe this is what is going on for me in whatever genetic and divine timing that is correct for me.

How do I do this with Theta? I am not sure yet. I may not do it exclusively with ThetaHealing.... I know I have gone up and asked Creator to help me with this whatever that means and which ever people or tools the creator hands me to help me in the highest and best way.

I feel that often we try to use ThetaHealing and many other amazing wonderful modalities to avoid some of the experiences that can come with being human.... I know I have done this from time to time.... maybe it's okay sometimes but maybe sometimes when we do that it may not be from a motivation of possibility and taking responsibility for the way we experience the world, but rather a way to avoid some things at a cost much greater than we realize.

Maybe sadness is okay and so called negative emotions which we make metaphysically politically incorrect can be a deeply enriching part of being human.

Maybe there is a balance between continually clearing our stuff and becoming more and more light and love with living fully as a human in this human world of which can come deeply powerful and trans-formative emotional experiences that we have been told we shouldn't have or shouldn't want to have. Is it possible to have both as our experience of life?

I didn't give myself permission to fully experience my sadness when my mother passed away. I didn't give myself permission to fully experience my sadness when my marriage ended. I doubt I have ever given myself permission to fully experience my sadness or anger or frustration or grief or (insert so called negative emotion here!!) Maybe that is my loss....or not... we'll see...

So, I appear to be on this new ride of deepening emotions that i have run from most of my life. It's a bit scary i think... but I'm okay. Maybe what will happen is I will end up having deep gratitude for the sadness i have yet to fully feel. Wouldn't that be interesting....heh heh heh....

Here are a few downloads..... but before you say yes to these downloads in an automatic knee jerk kind of way like we often do every time we are offered a bunch of downloads... actually read them and clearly and deeply understand what they may mean to you if you say yes to them. Think deeply and ask your subconscious what might really happen if you choose to accept these downloads. You may not actually want these for now.

I know how and what it means and feels like to be at peace with my so called negative emotions in the highest and best way.

I know what it feels like to be fully human in the highest and best way.

I know how and what if feels like to be fully human AND fully spiritual together at the same time in the highest and best way.

(This group of downloads are for the men) I have the creator's highest defiinition of what my masculine emotions are and feel like in the highest and best way.

I know when to feel my emotions as a man in the highest and best way.

I know who to express my emotions in a fully masculine way and who it is safe to express these emotions to.

It is safe to feel and express my emotions in a masculine way with out losing love or being judged or abandoned.

I know who it is safe to feel and express my emotions to in a masculine way in front of without losing love or being judged or abandoned.