Monday, August 11, 2008

Why is all this so hard?

What do I find hard to do?

Sometimes I find it hard to discipline my mind to create rather than see what I am creating and see myself as subject to what appears to be going on in the physical world.

I perceive what seems to be going on in the world and am stuck.

I find it hard to believe (I think) on the deeper levels that I am not stuck.

One very wise friend reminded me recently that I am creating exactly what I want to be creating although sometimes my conscious intellectual mind calls “bullshit”

Where is the unlimited financial abundance? Where is the log home in the mountains surrounded by trees and nature and animals overlooking the ocean or a lake or some amazingly beautiful water.

Where is the best selling book(s)?
Where is the ability to travel at will without concern about finances.

It’s hard sometimes to trust things are being taken care of by creator and that my manifestations are being provided. Intellectually on some level I know they are in a way that is more than I can imagine.

Creator should be able to arrange the world so I can get what I want the way I want it.

Of course he can. How much of me perceiving me not getting what I want is my ego throwing a temper tantrum.

Am I really a two year old screaming at my mother to give me what I want NOW. I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT……..

I found a belief recently that I don’t deserve to manifest or even have the “power” of manifesting cause last time I got everything I wanted I lost it ALL.

I had given up my right to have what I want and even the right to manifest.

Although I’ve had the experience of manifesting 5 international trips when I didn’t appear to have the money or resources for them they happened anyway. They sure didn’t come the way I would think I would have wanted them to show up. On the other hand I got to have experiences that helped me grow (both pleasant and unpleasant experiences) that I could never have planned or orchestrated better myself.

Although I officially don’t have a “home” to go to of my own, I am continually being given places to stay and am being taken care of with a roof over my head and enough food to eat and places of physical beauty like the mountains and islands and fjords of Norway recently and currently the pacific northwest of North America.

How does all of this work with my Divine Timing of whatever it is that I came here to do in this lifetime?

Is my experience of life currently an indication of me resisting my divine timing or am I fully in synch with my divine timing?

I had an astrological reading the other day by a wonderful astrologist.
( www.astrology-x-files.com ) Who said according to her interpretation of my chart that I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing to prepare me for my carreer to change in the next 18 months and completely take off in a way that will completely blow me away.

Will I look back when that happens at the years previous and see the perfection of how things played out for me? Maybe.

How do we balance taking charge of our life and spiritual growth by clearing and manifesting and changing AND at the same time let go of control of the way things show up so we have the best results in our life possible beyond our comprehension in the current moment.

I’m not sure. I’m struggling with all this moment to moment. Maybe that’s what I need to experience to do what I’m here to do. What beliefs can I clear or downloads can I get to make this easier without trying to take control from Creator because Creator is obviously getting it wrong because I’m not getting what I want or I think I want.

I sure can be arrogant…..oh brother…….. how embarrassing.

If you want to know Creators definition and perspective on everything in this little essay and to know how and what it feels like to do the things I talk about in this blog say yes now and hold on then call your Theta buddies and do some work on all this.

Call me if you want a session on this issue customized to you and your issues around it.

The 3 sessions for $296 ($79 savings) jpackage will be discontinued for sure at the end of the month so order it now before it’s gone.

Come take basic and advanced thetahealing with me in September in Washington and Greece in October. Half price for repeaters. Click here to see the schedule. http://www.stephenroyparker.com/steveclasses.htm

Intuitive Anatomy is also coming to Washington so check that out too.

Love Steve

1 comment:

Erika L Soul said...

I read your post and what you suggest at the end and I did some ho'oponopono on it all in me like all memories we share in common zero and then transform and teach this macros. I like it when you do a clear list of things to download as in your post are things that happened to you . That's why I cleaned on any shared memories- beliefs programs etc we have in common.
I am on your facebook friends list and I have learnt theta healing and give healing sessions.
love and blessings Soulerika
www.rainbowhealings.com